I’ve officially finished the illustrations ~ yes, my illustrations ~ and I’m moving on to the next step. A small part of me feels guilty because I’ve been laser‑focused on getting this book across the finish line as fast as humanly possible. But honestly, every time I think I’m close, another obstacle pops up like it’s auditioning for a line in one of our stories. Good thing I’ve become an expert at leaping over them.
If anyone needs a leap coach, my dog Ivey is available for hire. Payment accepted in the form of dog treats. That girl jumps like she’s training for the Olympics, and I’ve learned a thing or two from watching her.
Now, about that email I received from the illustrator I originally hired. Let’s just say… I’m confident they didn’t love my response. I wasn’t going to reply at all, I was fully prepared to let silence do the talking, but then I thought, absolutely not. I’m not leaving anything undocumented that could somehow be twisted back onto me.
Documentation is self-care with a paper trail!
So I took the finished illustrations they sent, and ran everything through a publishing check. And thank goodness I followed my gut (and my irritation at their “going over and beyond” comment), because what I received would not have passed. Not even close. Multiple errors. Multiple issues. Multiple reasons to walk away.
I listed every problem, explained that I’ll be taking a different direction, and made it clear I won’t be using their illustrations. If they respond, I’ll let you know, but honestly, my email was professional, even though I could’ve gone sideways real quick. I think they’ll understand I’m done and that a response is optional.
Do I feel calm and clear? That depends on the day. But the email was.
~The Honest Middle Part~
I still have hard days. I still ask why certain things have been done at my expense ~ literally ~ especially when they’re things I would never dream of doing to someone else.
Those thoughts are real.
They show up un-invited.
They want my junk food and sit a little too close.
They bring receipts from old disappointments.
They highlight the money, the time, the trust, the energy.
They ask me questions that don’t have quick answers.
And some days I sit with them longer than I’d like to admit.
But here’s what’s also real:
- I have come too far to fold now.
- I am still creating (Also wonder if part of that is me losing my mind).
- Still dreaming.
Nothing is perfect, I am learning and building something ~ messy, meaningful, mine.
~The Good Stuff~
My private family collaborator D.D.M is writing amazing stories – the kind kids love and adults catch themselves replaying for the hidden adult humor.
I’m recording in my little closet studio ~ which is part sound booth, part clothes I wear daily, part secret hideout where I mess up words, cuss, nearly cry, and then laugh at myself.
I’m going to start keeping a list of all the words I mispronounce, imagine incorrectly, or completely butcher. I will share my “well…that didn’t go as planned,” moments regardless of how embarrassed it may be for me.
~The Promise~
I am learning as I go.
I am getting better as I go.
And I am showing up as I go.
Someone once said:
“Just start. If you don’t look back and cringe, you’re not doing it right.”
So here I am – starting, leaping, cringing a little, laughing a lot – and inviting you along for this unpredictable, emotional, creative ride. (tears, there have been those, but don’t tell anyone)
It won’t be perfect.
But it will be fun.
And I’m so glad you’re here ♥